I had lots of work today. Started this morning by clearing out a voice mail box for work. A bunch of people asking for their money. Gotta love that.

Then I got a package in the mail. It was about a 3 inch stack of paper (double sided) that I had to go through line by line to check for certain amounts. Reminded me of "Clueless" - Looking for all the September phone calls. LOL So I go through this huge stack of papers, have it all typed out on a spreadsheet, save, close, open my email to send it to the boss and ... it's GONE!! Totally gone! I panicked. I had spent 5 hours on it. John and I both searched the computer and it was still gone. Thank God I had actually marked each entry so it was pretty easy to find them all. And, I had wanted to go through and double check it anyway, so I guess it was ok. But still. Arg. That's not something I want to mess up on again. I don't know what the hell happened to the first one. But oh well. Lesson learned.

Finally got Nick's meds! YAYAY. Of course they didn't actually get off their asses at the hospital to make a stinkin phone call until around 4pm. Stupid people.

Calli goes for pre-op testing tomorrow at 9:30am. I didn't tell her yet. I'll tell her in the morning. I figure afterwards, we can stop at Shelly's so she can play with Tyler for a little bit to make her feel better. (Shell, we're coming over!) I feel so bad about making her do this, but we really don't have a choice. I hate to see her in pain and I know she's gonna be really pissed at me. Maybe I'll throw in McDonald's too.

I cleaned out the spare room so Mom has somewhere to sleep this weekend. I just have to make the bed. At least that's one thing down. OH, and in clearing out the room....I found my summer clothes!! Woo Hoo, now I don't have to go shopping. I still have to pack. I'll do that tomorrow or Saturday. I have to figure out what to bring. I have to find my bathing suit too. Crap, I have to shave my legs.

Have a great day folks! Wish Calli luck tomorrow.

Today's Did You Know: A diamond is the hardest natural substance on earth, but if it is placed in an oven and the temperature is raised to about 763 degrees Celsius (1405 degrees Fahrenheit), it will simply vanish, without even ash remaining. Only a little carbon dioxide will have been released. *** Ok, don't let your rings fall off in the oven before you set it to clean. That would really suck. So does that mean you open the oven and all that's left if the gold? Or does the gold melt too? So just a blob of gold mixed with burnt cheese and a waft of carbon dioxide.

What an insane day!!

Got up this morning, got the kids to school and started work. Actually had work to do today. I worked until about 1 pm doing laundry in between. I got a call from the dr. saying they are scheduling Calli's surgery for April 3rd. That NEXT THURSDAY!! AHAHAHAAAAA!! Ok, no problem.

Wait, problem. Problems actually.

Problem 1 - Which insurance will cover that? The old or the new. Or does one cover the pre-op (which will most likely be before the end of the month) and the other cover the actual surgery. I call my new boss to ask for the insurance info so I can call and clear that up.

Problem 2 - She informs me that they just found out that my paperwork didn't go in fast enough, so my coverage wont start until the 15th. Ok, crap. She says get Cobra, we'll pay for it. Ok, cool.

Problem 3 - I call the old job and they say, oh, the health insurance still has you as employed, we'll have to fix that before you can get Cobra. ARG. Ok, they do that and the package should be here tomorrow for me to fill out and I'll be covered with that as of the 1st. Ok. That's done.

Problem 4 - She's going to need pre-op testing. I'm going to be in FL from Sunday to Wednesday (her surgery is Thursday), which means if they don't schedule her for testing within the next 2 days, we're gonna have to figure out some other way to get her there. Hopefully they'll be able to schedule them for the afternoon when John can take her.

Problem 5 - I was supposed to go into the city Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday the week following her surgery for training. Well, I can't do that. Cause she needs to be in bed for a week and I don't want to leave her here with someone else, especially when she'll be in pain. So I had to reschedule that till the end of that week so that my sister can be here with her and she'll be mostly recovered.

Lots of problems for today... Not related to her surgery...

Problem 6 - Nick is out of his Aderal. The pharmacy had a script weeks ago but it couldn't be filled cause I had just filled one (controlled substance). I called a week ago when he was almost out and they said they didn't have it. Great, they lost the damn thing. This wouldn't be a big deal if it wasn't a controlled substance cause then the dr. could just call it in, but since it is, I had to drive to Newton to pick it up. I called the hospital 2 days before he was out and of course it took them 3 days later. So now he hasn't had it for a day. I go to pick it up, drop it off at the pharmacy and go to pick Calli.

Problem 7 - The pharamist calls me and says, they wrote the script wrong. WHAT?? They wrote if for 150 strength... It should be 15!! Have someone call us so we can fill it. Ok, no problem... wrong! Problem.

Problem 8 - I call the hospital, no answer. I call again, no answer. I call the emergency line (since it's really bad to not be on that medicine.) They walk over there (after my third time calling them cause they keep transferring me and no one's answering) and the chick there says, sorry, they're all gone for the day. WHAT?? Sorry, there's nothing we can do until tomorrow. The prescription chicks are gone and we can't contact the dr. FREAKING CRAPTASTIC!! So now he's gonna have to go another day without it. That is sooo not good.

Ok, I need a happy pill and a nap.

Today's Did You Know: The human head contains 22 bones. *** The human head weighs 8 pounds.

The results are in.....

I weighed in at 238 - Down 4 pounds. Pretty good. I would have liked more, but oh well. It's better than nothing.

I'm not measuring this week. I'll do it next week. I think doing that every two weeks is better. Maybe even once a month. We did "abouts" when we measured, so if I loose like 1/8 of an inch, I really wont be able to tell.

The diets really not bad. It's pretty easy. Especially being home and having the time to make stuff. Even going to Donna's, I have time to pack up everything I need for the day. So much easier than rushing off to work at 7 am.

The thought of cheating really isn't even there. Actually, the thought of doing a cheat "day" horrifies me. John and I decided we're not doing that again. We're going to eat right on that day, but maybe have a desert. That way we don't feel like total CRAP.

Watching the Biggest Looser. I love this show. I wish I could take off for 4 months to go to the ranch. Just work out all day and eat only good stuff. Easy Peasy. I hate the guys on this show. I used to like them, now they're just being asses. Just trying to pick off the girls cause they can. I'm hoping the girls can try to kick some butt this week. Woo Hoo, just as I said that, one of the girls got in first place for weight loss.

76 Pounds to go

Today's Did You Know: More personal telephone calls are made on Mother's Day in the USA than on any other day in any other country. **Mother's day is coming up, don't forget to pay your phone bill!

HA, both girls beat out the boys this week!! One of the boys is GOIN HOME!! GIRL POWER!!

Got up this morning, raced around the house trying to get everyone dressed and out the door to be at Calli's ENT appointment by 8:30. I knew we were going to sit in traffic, so I wanted to get going. We drive down there and end up being a half hour early! Arg. So, I let the kids watch a movie in the van for a little while. When it's time to go in, I go to roll up my window and notice that it's going REALLY slow. Oh crap. I try to start the car and I hear click click click. (Click is a fun work to type! It's like a little dance for your fingers... like the cha cha.) So, I figure we'll go into the dr. and hope it starts when we come out.

Calli had her appointment. He said they look worse than last time. That her tonsils are almost touching now. He asked if she was snoring, which she does a little, but not a lot, and if she's a mouth breather, which she isn't. He said that would show signs of obstruction. He said, ok, I think we'll wait another 4 - 6 months. I was kinda like, oh :o( ok. He asked why I wanted them out so badly and I explained about her poor eating habits, her constant clearing of her throat and a cough that wont go away and every time she coughs, she gags and feels like she's going to throw up. He said, OH, well you didn't tell me that!! She didn't have any symptoms, so we could wait. Now you're telling me she has symptoms. Ooppss, sorry! That's a different story, they need to come out. So, I have to call today to schedule her surgery. Poor kid! He told her she could have ice cream for a week and she wanted to have the surgery today! LOL

Oh, he said she has to be in bed for a week with no activity, then another week on moderate. No rough housing. Uhm... are you planning to give her sedatives for a 2 weeks?? This is gonna be fun. ARG

So, we go outside and of course the car doesn't start. So I call Shelly... How much do you love me? Come jump me! lol (dirty minds) Then I'm standing there in an empty spot in front of the van and people are getting really PO'd that I wont let them pull in. Then the one next to me opens up and I go stand there. Then we have to figure out how to do it. I always thought it was just red to red and black to black. And that's what John said too. But Shell said no, one black has to go to a ground. So then we're trying to call Tim who's not answering and standing there holding these cables like we're dumb blondes. Then a nice old man came up and helped up. Once we FINALLY found something in there that was actually metal and not plastic we were able to get it started.

Just another of my lovely days. Craptastic!

Oh, so at the end of my last post I said I was going to take a nap. That was at about 5pm. I never did nap, but let me tell you something, I am NOT taking advantage of the cheat day again. Holy crap. I felt like I was hit by a truck! I could barely function. We got in bed about 9:30 and I swear I couldn't lift my arms. I was just drained. It's amazing what food can do to you. John said he felt crappy too and his heart was racing. I think on cheat days, we'll stick to the diet and maybe just have a desert at the end of the day or something. Cause oh man, that was bad.

I have to get in the shower now and do my hair and make-up. I have to go to the DMV and get a new driver's license. Oh joy! I still have an old one that doesn't have a picture on it. But since I have to fly on Sunday, I need a picture one. I HATE pictures of me. Oh well. No choice.

Have a day folks

Today's Did You Know: The world's largest coins, in size and standard value, were copper plates used in Alaska around 1850. They were about a metre (3 ft) long, half-a-metre (about 2 ft) wide, weighed 40 kg (90 lb), and were worth $2,500. *** So does that mean they had really really big wallets? How do you carry that around? What idiot thought that would be a good idea for money?

The Easter Bunny Came!!

I'm sitting on the couch typing on my new LAPTOP!!! Yayayayay. I finally got it Friday morning. I brought it home and John started to drool. I had to beat him off with a stick and say MINE!! It's really cool. I may let him use it once in a while.

Friday after I picked up the computer I went Easter shopping. Had to get all the stuff for the kids and then all the food.

Saturday we went to an easter egg hunt which was fun. Then we came home and I started cooking and cooking, and cooking. I was soooo tired. Then after that, we ate dinner and put the kids to bed. Then I had to put together the kids baskets and fill the eggs with all the other stuff for the egg hunt we were doing. We went to bed about 9:30 and I passed out. I was in so much pain (back) but the exhaustion outweighed it.

Got up this morning... we actually got up before Nick came in yelling, and went down to get the coffee going. MUST.... HAVE.... COFFEE!! We let the kids come down and delve into their baskets. Then we had time to shower and get ready before the family showed up. Mom, Pop, Joanne and Scott all came for brunch.

After we ate, we took the kids across the street to go find their eggs. That was fun. They had a good time. They came back in to open them all which were filled with candy, toys and money. Nick was very excited with his $3.72. He wanted to go to the store and buy matchbox cars. Fortunately, they're closed today, so we didn't have to run out.

Now everyone's gone and we're just chillin.

Today's our cheat day.. (John's been semi doing the diet with me - of course he weighs less than me now.. ass) Anyway... today's our cheat day and I really haven't cheated as much as I thought I would. I had a bite of Nick's peanut butter bunny, a little bit of macaroni salad and potato salad, a slice of ham, a couple bites of cinnamon roll and a bit of Mom's cake cheese cake banana thing. It sounds like a lot when I read it, but I only had a little of each thing. And I didn't jump into the candy at all. I'm really not a chocolate person unless Aunt Flow is coming to visit. I think my biggest cheat is that I haven't gotten in all my water and I've only had one meal.

I'm proud of myself so far. I've done really good on the diet. Stay tuned on Tuesday to see how I've done.

Ok, I need a nap. I'll bark atcha later!

Today's Did You Know: Milk chocolate was invented by Daniel Peter, who sold the concept to his neighbor Henri Nestlé. *** All together now... DUMBASS!!!

Quite the day....

I went to pack calli's lunch and grabbed a container out of the fridge, opened it up and it was chicken and french fries from over the weekend. Normally that wouldn't be a big deal... the problem was that I thought I sent her to school the other day with that. Look in the fridge again and realize that the container with the chocolate covered apple was gone. AHAHAHAAAAAA.

I get to school and say to the teacher's,... please don't tell me I sent my daughter to school with a chocolate apple for lunch! They're like, yeah, we thought it was pretty weird. We figured either it was something special for her, a mistake or you hadn't gone grocery shopping. LOL So, not only am I a horrible mother for sending my daughter to school with a chocolate apple for lunch, BUT, she didn't like it and THREW IT OUT!! Do you know how expensive those things are?!?! Ug.

Then, I get a call from John that says, the card wont work, check the bank account. I had to make a deposit anyway so I stopped by the bank. The dude says, You're $654 overdrawn. WHAT????? Now, I know I paid bills, and I for some reason can't count and always end up paying more than we have, but not by THAT much. Oh crap. Now I'm gonna have to go home and figure out what happened to all the money and figure out what to do until next week when John gets paid. As I'm about to pack up and walk away a light bulb went on! Uhm, excuse me, can you tell me if there was a charge for $768? Yes there is. CRAP.

Yesterday when we signed up for casino night, the form wasn't really clear and in one spot where it was supposed to have the $ amount, it just had * ( ) So we kinda assumed that it would we those 3 digits on the back of the card. Obviously it wasn't. We did figure it out and called them and they said it would be fixed immediately. Well, I guess that wasn't fast enough cause they took the card number and over charged me over $600!! AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa. That's not good! Well, at least it's better than Donna's who's number was in the 900's. HA We called again today and they took care of it, but the reversal will take a few days. Crapola! Oh well, nothing we can do about it.

My laptop has finally arrived, well sort of. It's at my bosses house. I'll have it at 9:30 tomorrow morning!! YAYAY! Can't wait!

That's it for now folks. Don'tcha all just LOVE hearing about my life.

Today's Did You Know: You told that old joke "How long did the Hundred Year War last?" And everyone laughed when you had to think about it... But in truth, the Hundred Year War lasted 116 years from 1337 to 1453

Ok, so "How long did the Thirty Year War last?" Are you calculating?? Dork, It was 30 Years of course. From 1618 to 1648 DUH!!

I think I'm in water overload! Arg. I feel like I'm swimming. I pee every ten minutes and my coochie is starting to hurt now. There's only so many times you can wipe something in a day! I also have a huge headache right now. Don't know if that has to do with the massive amounts of water, the change in diet or the children being completely HORRID! I'm ready to put them both up on ebay!

And of course when they're out of control, we loose it. John has been very good for months, but he's starting the yelling again. Not a lot, but I see it coming on. I'm no angel, trust me. I blow my top way more than I should, but then he looses it and brings me back to earth and I can start to calmly control the situation. I just feel like we shouldn't come to that point at all. As parents we should see it coming and take care of it before it hits.

Dinners around here are a freaking nightmare. Unless it's "kids food" they don't want to eat. And I'm not making crap food anymore. They are going to have to get used to it. Anyone know of any good military schools?

3rd day on the new job. Today, I learned about our client list. We went over that for about 10 min. Then, uhm, well... lets see.... I learned that Donna's second cousin once removed (I think - we couldn't figure out that "removed" thing) was hung in 1923 in England for conspiracy to murder. It was this big huge thing. It still one of England's biggest stories. Look up Edith Thompson on Google and you'll get a slew of info. The true tale, according to Donna's Grandma was that Edith wasn't all there. She was like bi-polar or something. She was married and bored. She met this sailor, fell in love, if only in theory. He went out to sea and she wrote him religiously. She talked about how much she missed him and how she was trying to get her husband out of the way. She was trying to poison him and such and nothing was working. He comes back and decides she needs help and stabs the hubby to death. Not realizing that Edith's letters were basically all made up. That she loved her husband, even if he was kinda boring. And the letters were all fantasy. They are both arrested, tried and convicted of murder, Edith swearing her innocence until the very end. They are both hung on the gallows. Petitions were written to spare her life, but the judge said he couldn't overturn the decision. He later felt he made a horrible mistake and committed suicide. AMAZING!! How about having that tale in your family!?! There is a book and movie about it. She gave me the book today which is full of Edith's letters to the sailor before and after the murder. I can't wait to get into it!

Uhm, we also signed up for a charity casino night which sounds like it's gonna be really fun.... and.. hmm. That's about it. LOL I still don't have my laptop. It should have gotten to my boss's house today. Hopefully it did and we can go get it tomorrow. Then I can actually do something.

I also have to get a new driver's license. My doesn't have a picture and I'm flying in 2 weeks, so I'm gonna need that. I also need to get a passport. Not that I'll be going out of the country, but Donna said to get one. You never know. Those will be Friday or Monday tasks. There's nothing else on my plate as yet. Pretty easy job so far! I'm sure I'll be working my butt off sooner rather then later.

Ok, I'm off to find some drugs.

Today's Did You Know: Your mouth produces 1 litre (1.8 pints) of saliva a day. *Ok, saliva is mostly water, right? Can I count that 1.8 pints into my daily water intake amount???

Ok folks, here's the nitty gritty!

Starting Weight 242

Starting Measurements
Bust 46.5
Chest 42.5
Waist 47
Hips 50
Midway 51.5
Thighs 28
Knees 19.5
Calves 17
Upper Arm 17.5
Forearm 12

Starting Body Info
Body Fat 37%
Pounds of fat 89.5
BMI 36.8

Pretty nasty readings. But it was pretty much what I figured. Although, I thought the weight would be higher. That's good I guess. :o(

If you are planning on doing this with me, shoot me an email. I found great sights that tell you exactly how to measure and also how to get that body info.

Tune in next week to see what I've done. - Michelle is starting an incentive program HA. Read the comments from my last post. I would love some sponsors. And don't think the reward has to cost anything. I'm a big "quality time" person. So, like a walk in the park or oooo, babysitting?? HA

HELLLLOOOOOoooooo!! Well, I started my new job yesterday. Kinda. LOL Donna and I went to the bosses house and went over a bunch of stuff. Then we went SHOPPING!! It's so much fun to shop with other people's money! I got a new printer. It's one of those 4 in 1 jobbies. It's very pretty. I also got some supplies and a laptop backpack. The only problem with that last purchase.... I don't have my laptop yet. LOL So it's just holding all my supplies. The puter should be in by tomorrow sometime. Then we just have to load all the programs. And THEN hopefully I can start to actually work. As of right now, I'm basically trying to be a sponge. Donna's going over everything and I'm just trying to take it all in. I'm one of those people who learn better by doing. So I'm very anxious to get moving.

I started the "Body for Life" diet today. It's really not to bad. And MUCH easier to do when you're home. I would never stick to it if I had to "go" to work. I would just say forget it, I'm not packing all this food. I just eat something from the caf. I've even gotten all my water in for the day too! Yeah Me! I'm gonna have John do my measurements tonight and I have to eventually put my ass on the scale, but, I don't wanna.

Let's see, I need to loose about 80 pounds. If I loose 2 pounds a week... that's 40 weeks, so by next January I should be at goal. That's too damn far away! But oh well. Can't think like that. I am going to let you all join in on my progress. Tomorrow (or tonight) I will put up all my stats and then do that once a week so everyone can cheer me on. Or yell at me, or maybe even join me. You can go onto the website and get all the info. You don't have to buy the book or anything. www.bodyforlife.com

If you would like to join me and want to have the other readers cheer you on as well, give me all your stats and I'll put them on here. If you go to the web site they tell you all the measurements to take. No being shy. I don't think you should be ashamed about what you're at now. I personally am at about 240 lbs. I actually think I've gone a little over that lately. I'll see later. The idea is to realize that you need to get healthy! Did you know that if your measurements around your waist (belly button) is greater than 35 inches (for women) or 40 inches (for men) you're in deep shit. It means you are at higher risk for :

■ type 2 diabetes (high blood sugar)
■ high blood pressure
■ heart disease and stroke
■ some types of cancer
■ sleep apnea (when breathing stops for short periods during sleep)
■ osteoarthritis (wearing away of the joints)
■ gallbladder disease
■ liver disease
■ irregular menstrual periods

That's just crazy. I just went to measure mine and I'm at 47 1/2 inches. That is NOT good. For those of you running for tape...

To measure your waist circumference, place a tape measure around your bare abdomen just above your hip bone. Be sure that the tape is snug, but does not compress your skin, and is parallel to the floor. Relax, exhale, and measure your waist.

It took me 20 years, but I've finally decided to do it. To finally get in shape. Or at least a shape besides a circle. I have only started the diet part. I haven't done the work out thing. I do plan to work that in really soon, but maybe a week or two. Give me a break people!! Let me ease into this. JEEZE!

Oh, and real quick before I go... My friend Valerie is working this great new business. It's really awesome. Gives you some pretty good price breaks on stuff you already buy. Check it out! www.fhtmus.com/valerieharnish

That's it for now folks!

Today's Did You Know: Children grow faster in the spring. *Freaking great! Now I'm gonna have to buy them all new clothes again. Ebay, here I come!

It is my LAST DAY!! They took me out to lunch yesterday and I came in today to do my final clean up and say good-bye. I'm being asked a lot if it's "bitter sweet"..... NO, It's just sweet! I honestly can not wait to leave. (1 hour and counting) I mean, if I wasn't leaving for such a great opportunity, I might say differently... but I am so I wont!

My desk is cleared, my boxes are packed, all my paperwork is handed out. I am finally done with this place! YAYAY Anything that is left is no longer my problem.

My new life begins MONDAY!! I can't wait!!

Shelly baked me a cake so we could celebrate tonight. YAY

I'm eating a buffalo chicken salad... it's really freaking hot. I've lost all feeling in my tongue. Hhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I should have put a little more dressing on it. Oh well.

Calli has refused to eat dinner for days. She's being such a pain in the ass. Mostly is because she has a tummy ache or is full (translation - it's got onions in it and I don't like it) Last night I got so fed up that I made her sit there and look at her food until she either ate it or it was bed time. Needless to say, I let her get up at 8pm and go to bed. She cried the entire time, but that's ok. The kid is a peanut as it is. She needs to eat. And she needs to eat real food, not pb&j and spaghettio's. I know it's ok if she only eats that stuff and she'll expand her palate as she gets older, but that's not the point. The point is I am NOT making 2 different meals every night. And if I make special for her, I have to make special for Nick. So then it's 3 different meals a night. NOPE, You eat what I make, or you go hungry. They aren't babies anymore, the can skip a meal. And if they are hungry enough... they'll eat what I make! Call me a horrible mom, whatever. House rules.

That's it for now folks. Happy Weekend!

Today's Did You Know: The Hawaiian alphabet only has 12 letters * Damn, learning the ABC's in Hawaii must be a breeze! I bet they don't have that stupid lmnop (and a little p - as my kids always say) Now I'm curious. Hold please.... Nope, no luck for the little Hawaiian kids... those are actually the ONLY letters they have (plus a couple). HA

The alphabet contains 12 letters: 5 vowels (a, e, i, o, u) and 7 consonants (h, k, l, m, n, p, w). To simplify pronunciation, sound consonants as in English and break up words so they are easy to say e.g., Waianapanapa sounds like Wai-a-napa-napa.

Before I forget....

My cousin Laura's husband is doing the an AIDS walk. If anyone would like to donate to the cause, please go here. http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?SID=1727493 Every penny counts folks!

Well, It's a little after 9am. I have my exit interview at 11am and they are taking me out to lunch today to say goodbye at 12. I can't believe I'm down to one more day! I still have stuff to pack and clean up, so I'm making my blog short.

Uhm, ok, super short cause I can't think of anything to type, just everything I have to do.

Today's Did You Know: The largest cheesecake ever-made weighed 57,508 lbs *Damn right and I enjoyed every single bite! How do you think I got my girlish figure?

Wow, my last blog really caused a stir. John called and said... I really miss the 50's. Ass! He also threw it in my face that he got the fire started. LOL Jerk!

I'm trying to clear my desk and computer out before I leave. It took me HOURS yesterday to go through my email. I had stuff from 2003 in there. Jeeze. I forwarded like a bazillion emails to my gmail account. I still have so much to go through. Ug. BUT it's all worth it cause on Friday I'll be leaving here for good! It's funny, some of the people here are being normal to me and others are giving me the cold shoulder. HA, Not like I care. I just think it's funny. Jealousy doesn't look good on anyone. SUCKS TO BE YOU! Call me if you need me. My number is: 1-800-atthelake or 1-800-indonna'spool Don't get me wrong. I WILL be working and from what it sounds like, I'll be working hard. But I can't wait. I can't wait to be at a place that they appreciate what you do. After 6 1/2 years here they kind of just "expect" you to do this or that and don't recognize when you do something outstanding. Or not even something outstanding.... How about, Thanks for getting all that stuff in. Thanks for finishing your work. I know you are paid to finish your work, that's why it's a job. But a little appreciation wouldn't hurt!

It's Wednesday... hmm... I really don't know what else to talk about today. So I guess that's it.

Today's Did You Know: Mosquitoes are attracted to people who just ate bananas *But smelling banana's helps you loose weight. So I guess if you smell them, but don't eat them you're ok. I wonder if coating them in chocolate would disguise it from the mosquitoes? Although I guess that would negate the loosing weight bit... although, I'm sure you burn calories in the dunking process! Ahhhh the way my mind works!

This ones gonna be long!

OVER 2000 HITS TO MY BLOG! Totally cool! You like me, you really like me! LOL

My cousin comes up with the best words! She gave us Fucktard and now... Craptastic! I seriously love that word. Problem is... how do you use it? Would it be in a good way or a bad way? Like - The kids dumped a plant all over the floor... Craptastic! Or the kids dumped the plant and cleaned it all by themselves... Craptastic? Nah, I think it's the first one. Thank you Laura for broadening my vocabulary!

Ok Shelly sent me this email and I just have to put it on here and add all my wonderful comments!

This comes from an article out of Good Housekeeping Circa 1955. I'm sure some of us have seen it. I will help to adapt it to the 21st century.

The Good Wife's Guide

1a. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.

1b. Option a) Grab something out of the freezer and make a quick throw together meal. b) Run to Mcy D's and grab a meal. Order him a number 1#. You got him a drink, fries and a burger. All his needs are covered. Tell him if he wanted something else, he should have picked it up his damn self.

2a. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

2b. Prepare yourself. Take 2 minutes to take deep breaths before he gets home so you don't rip his head off. Make-up... HA, yeah right, like you've had time for that. Ribbon? Oh you mean that thing the cat has been playing with and shredded all over the floor which is why you're gonna rip his head off in the first place, cause he gave it to the stupid cat.

3a. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

3b. Your only duty is to make sure he doesn't put his muddy shoes on the table. He should be happy he had a boring day cause yours was insane! And since it was so insane and he's just gonna have to suck it up and hear all about it.

4a. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

4b. Clear a path. Make sure there are routes through the main part of the house so no one breaks their neck.

5a. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

5b. Over the cooler months make sure he lugs in as much wood as possible. Then you lite the fire cause if you wait for him to do it or get it burning you'll all freeze to death. After all, keeping the kids from becoming popsicles will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

6a. Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quite.

6b. Prepare the children. Tell them if they don't shut up, dad's gonna knock'um through a wall. Then turn on the Wii. "The Wii, That'll shut'um up"

7a. Be happy to see him

7b. He BETTER be happy to see YOU

8a. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

8b. Throw a quick nod his way while you hand him the baby to change, answer the phone, stir dinner, help the older one with homework, get the cats out of the dog food and stop the dog from eating the cats.

9a. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of this arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

9b. Let him talk first, that way he can dig his own grave before you start asking the hard questions about what happened to the $400 in the bank account. Remember, his topics are more important than yours, cause this way your womanly instincts will tell you what he's trying to hide.

10a. Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

10b. Don't complain, call a sitter. If he's out with the boys.. why can't you be. I'm sure those late nights, dinner and entertainment will stop pretty quick when he sees you at the bar with 6 other men.

11a. Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

11b. Your goal: To make sure the bills get paid and the kids get fed and hope you have enough energy to stay awake long enough to give the old man a piece of ass once in a while.

12a. Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

12b. Wait till he gets comfortable, then nail him!

13a. Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

13b. Don't complain, hire an investigator. If he's staying out all night... he's a dead man. Also see #9b.

14a. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

14b. Follow 14a with the following changes, add a sleep aid to the drink and after taking off his shoes, tie his legs to the chair, followed by the rest of his body. You can then properly interrogate him about where he was all night. Idiot!! What the hell is wrong with you! Have you lost your freaking mind??? Make sure to slap him around a little bit too. Oh, and take pictures!

15a. Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him. A good wife always knows her place.

15b. It is 2008. Ladies, as a good wife, your place is Master of the House. Remember that they can't even wipe their own asses if it wasn't for you. You run the house, the kids, the bills... You have a your own job PLUS your home job. That's TWO full time jobs compared to his measly little one! And if you are a stay at home mom... Your full time job is 24/7/365! with no breaks except for the maybe 5 hours of sleep you can get. Cause even if they're napping, you're taking that time to do laundry, or dishes or clean. Our days are spent working, laundry, carpool, sports practice, dishes, dinner, clean up, baths, vacuuming, bills, dr.'s appointments, bedtime, more clean up, more bills, more clean up (cause with kids it's never ending) maybe throw in 10 min of tv and then drag your ass to bed. His day consists of working, coming home to eat the dinner you made, watching tv and going to bed. Hmm, I think it's a bit out of balance don't you?

I would NEVER have survived in 1955. I am such a Woman's Libber. I think the Donna Reed, Beaver Cleaver days were lovely for TV, but I hate it when woman of today fall into those rolls. It drives me mad!!! And I get in trouble all the time for saying it. I was lucky enough to marry a guy who "knows his place". Which is behind me (in more ways then one! HA). You ask him and he'll tell you "I where the pants in the family, whenever she lets me!) Which is exactly right. I will admit that I am overbearing. BUT, I grew up in a very matriarchal family. Men had NO say. It was our way or nothing. And that's how I rule my life. Just because I'm married doesn't mean I am now a slave or indebted to you in anyway whatsoever. Just remember, that if I left, you'd be FUCKED!

On that happy note. LOL

3 Days Left

Today's Did you know:

Slugs have 4 noses Ok, now I thought slugs were snails without shells. So now do they also have the foot is a nose thing and if so, does that mean slugs have 4 feet and if so, then where are they cause all you see is a blob and slime with two thingys on top. CRAPTASTIC!

Shelly tried to kill me! She went clothes shopping with me. I had to get new work clothes (which could consist of just pj's! HAHA). 90% of my wardrobe is business attire and old lady looking. So she took me to get trendy casual clothes.

Now usually when I buy clothes, it consists of picking my size and going home. If it fits, great, if it doesn't then it either sits in my closet or I eventually take it back. She made me try on EVERYTHING!!! OMG, I was so wiped by the time we were done. But, I got some great clothes. Plus they were having a 40% off sale AND, if you applied for a card (which I'll be denied for of course) you got an extra 20% off. I saved... get this... twice as much as I spent! HA I paid $106 for 3 pairs of pants, 4 shirts and 2 bras (oooo, had the chick measure me and I'm a D not a C! HA) When we got home we added up the tag prices and it would have been like $350. How cool is that!! Gotta love shopping with Michelle. She is the discount QUEEN!

We got back to Shell's and Tim made me do a fashion show so he could see everything. Which was cool, but weird. John never wants to see what I buy. Tim was pretty impressed, so as long as he thinks it looks good, I guess I'm gold. A man's opinion is always important. (And we can always tell if they're lying. So when they say oh, that looks nice with that weird face... you know it's going back to the store) No weird faces from him.

So, I got home and pulled all the work clothes out of my closet. EBAY BABY! I kept a couple of things in case I have to go to any clients. But everything else will now be jeans and tees. I did keep all my (close your eyes Shell) sweats. I love my sweats! Even though I look like I'm 400 pounds and shaped like a circle. They're COMFY! But I promise to try to only wear them around the house and not in front of anyone else. LOL

What else... hmm I've been feeling crappy lately. Don't know why. Maybe the new diet will help. I was thinking this morning, and I think I may be getting another sinus infection. Cause I've been all boogiefied and getting headaches and stuff. That's probably what it is. Oh well. Don't care. LOL Not talking about my health anymore. I've been noticing that I'm doing that a lot lately. Makes me feel really old. I mean, remember when we were young and used to hear the "elders" always talking about their aches and pains. I don't wanna be old anymore, so ... I'm in PERFECT HEALTH!

4 MORE DAYS

Today's Did you know (2 today cause they are related):
1. Smelling apples and/or bananas can help you lose weight - So I'm going to the store today and buying a million apple and banana candles. Anyone else want any?

2. Licking a stamp burns 10 calories - But how many calories is the freaking glue on the back of the stamp that you just ingested? If the glue is 30 calories a lick, then it kind of negates the 10 calorie loss. Am I right?

The Ultimate Peep Show

Easter's coming... The Peeps are gettin' their groove on. Makes you wonder what the person is like that thought to do this. HA, It's probably one of my friends!! LOL Freakin PERVERTS!

PLEASE READ

Ok People, I'm setting up a new distribution email list for my home email. If you would like to be added to this (for Blog Update purposes ONLY) or if you currently get the update and would like to be deleted from the list, please email me and let me know. Thanks Folks!

Flutterbyheaven@gmail.com

TGIF! 7 MORE DAYS!

Ya know, a month ago I was thinking how long this month would be before I leave here and now I'm thinking about how fast it's gone. I'm not complaining, trust me! I can't wait to leave all this behind and start a new chapter in my life. Nose Picker handed me my last paycheck today. (I'll get the "last one" in the mail - and yes, I sanitized after) I was gonna say it's bitter sweet... but no, it's just plain SWEET!!!

Stopped by the Braun household yesterday. It seems that they are very pleased with the cleaning. Tim's a little on edge that I touched his stuff (dirty minds, please see yesterday's post). But I think the edge is more the nicotine withdrawal. I'm very proud of them. Neither of them have smoked in close to 2 weeks and they are both still alive! Although, the tension is.. well, get out the knife folks. LOL I teased them that we have a bet going to see how long they hold out, but I honestly hope they stick to it. I'm down to 5 ciggys a day. And I think that's outstanding considering I was doing over a pack a day. And it's getting to where I don't smoke the whole thing cause I just don't want it.

Heather (my old neighbor) is back in town. They've decided SC SUCKS and have come back to good ol' Jersey. WOO HOO. Unfortunately, they will be living in Ledgewood, not down the street, but oh well. They're pretty cool to hang out with and she cooks a rockin tuna steak. She's my seafood buddy. She'll eat all the stuff John wont. Like sushi and clams and tuna and all that good stuff. It'll be nice to have her back. Maybe we'll get them into game night when it's at our house. Cause they have two little kids also and that would make it 8 kids under the age of 10 (5 of them 4 and under) Yeah, no. Not in Shell's house. At least at our house we can lock them all in the playroom and they'll be happy. Throw a couple of chips and juice pouches and 3 or 4 diapers up there and check on them in a couple hours. Good enough!

Hmm, what else.... Oh, well I'm pretty sure my hypoglycemia is back. I had it as a little kid and then it kinda went away. But lately I've been having all the symptoms again. I think it's time to go back on the diet. Ug. I need to diet anyway as you all know (Big Fat Cow). But this is a very strict diet. It's basically the same as a diabetics diet. All the whites are cut out, bread, pasta, sugar. Only a small amount of complex carbs, little to no fruit (sugar) It's kinda like the Atkins diet. Since I'm gonna be home, I think it'll be easier to stick to and make food for myself that's healthy. I'm sure I'll loose weight on it which is excellent, but the main reason is so I stop the dizzy spells, memory loss, feeling so tired, headaches, mood swings, heart issues.. Oh Mom, remember the other day I told you my pupils were different sizes and it was really weird... yep, that was on the list of symptoms too. It's amazing how the lack of sugar can mess up your system. For those of you that don't know, hypoglycemia is when you have too much insulin in your system and it burns the sugar/glucose too quickly, putting your body into a kind of shock. We'll see how the diet goes. Of course I don't plan on sticking too it all the time, I mean come on... Shelly's doing cake decorating classes! Someone has to help eat the projects on Friday nights!! But I think a change in eating is required. Here's to wishful thinking!!

Today's Did you know: You have to play ping-pong for 12 hours to lose one pound - Does this count for Beer Pong too? Crap, and we thought we were exercising. We thought we would at least be burning off the calories we were drinking in! Jeeze! Ok, maybe we'll have to change the rules a little. Like, if you miss you have to do 50 push ups. Oh Wait no, if you get it in the other team has to do 50 push ups, or jumping jacks or something to burn the calories. See, we're helping our fellow man.

SHELLY'S HOME!!!!!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY.

I got a call around 7 pm. Of course I didn't hear the phone. John did, and brought me the phone and I listened to the voice mail. It was my Michelle!!! I called her back right away and heard that sweet voice!!! MY SHELLY!!! It's funny, you really don't realize how much you would miss a person, or how much you rely on someone until they aren't there. I swear, after I talked to her, I couldn't stop smiling! My Shelly's home!

So my project was to clean sweep her house while she was gone. I wanted to do the entire thing, but I didn't have time. I was only able to do the office and John did the basement and I picked up their bedroom and the babies room. So, Shell, if you want, I'll come and finish the rest of the house. It just wont be a surprise. LOL

I'm still waiting to find out if Tim is actually PO'd about it or not. Cause I like... touched his stuff (turn off the dirty minds people... oh wait, that was my dirty mind - must be the butterfly effect) Anyway. I moved all his computer equipment and stuff. So when I go over there today, we'll see if he's speaking to me.

John and I watched Ghost Hunters last night. I have issues with that show. Don't get me wrong, I totally believe in ghosts and the like. I lived in a haunted house for 4 years! My first problem is that they listen to the stories of what people have seen and where, and then they focus on THOSE SPOTS. Well, just cause the damn thing was there ONCE doesn't mean that is the only place it roams. One episode they had a camera focused on a little Shakespear bust the entire night cause the owner said it moved once. K, total waste of a camera. Ghosts don't stay in one room people. If they are there... they are everywhere.

My other problem is that half of the people they have working for them are afraid of their own shadows. One guy is like Monk, he's afraid of flying, spiders, confined places, heights, and ants (basically anything with more than two legs). The other guy jumps and freaks out every time the wind blows. The new chick can't handle being alone. WTF? Why would you sign on to investigate GHOSTS if you're going to be afraid??? That just makes no sense to me. I could do those investigations so easily.

Plus, they're always going... "DID YOU SEE THAT?" No you Fucktard (Thanks Laura - my new favorite word) - We didn't see it cause the camera wasn't looking that way. I think that whenever they do an investigation, they should all have to wear cameras on their hats or something, so that wherever they look, the cameras get it. Actually, 4 small cameras on their heads shooting in every direction. Then maybe they might actually catch something!! Jeeze. Not brain surgery here folks. Don't tell me you don't have enough money for the equipment! You're gettin big bucks from the tv show!

I think I'm gonna do a little research and see if there are any TAPS groups around here that I could join. I would love to do that. And I wouldn't be freaking out with every step.

Ok, back to training again. 8 MORE DAYS!

Today's Did you know: A snail breathes through its foot - Ok, but does that make it a foot or it's nose? And does that mean it's breath always smells like dirty feet?

european vacation

Look kids Big Ben, Giants Stadium...

COUNT DOWN! The Braun Clan returns TODAY. There better be some Minnie ears in one of those suitcases for me! I can't wait!

So yesterdays circus event was one hell of a circus. My sister insisted on driving... well... her car is slow as hell, she drives like a grandma, and she almost got us killed a couple of times. Have you ever seen the Griswold's European vacation movie... Look kids, Big Ben, Parliament.. Look kids, Big Ben, Parliament. That was basically the same thing. Look kids, Giants Stadium, Izod Center... Look kids, Giants Stadium, Izod Center... They were doing crazy construction and detours all over. We ended up getting a construction worker to drive us to where we had to go. Then we stood in the rain for a while, then they came. YAY.... uhm ok. There was a bunch of people, about 6 elephants and about 15 horses. And they walked really fast. LOL So, for about 1 1/2 - 2 hours of driving, we were excited for about 30 seconds... hmm sounds like sex. HA LOLOL

Then we left. And got lost in freaking Passaic. It was lovely. The kids were driving me nuts. I needed a xanax! We finally got home and I was ready for bed. I should have stayed at work. Oh, I looked to find out how much it would be to get tickets to the circus... RIDICULOUS!! If we wanted nose bleed seats we could pay $28 per ticket and the elephants would look like large dogs. Or, if we wanted to sit up close, we could pay between $70 and $120 per ticket. Get the hell out of here. Shriner's Circus will be at Mennan in May. They are $16 for front row reserved seating. We're gonna go with that. My kids will never know the difference.

I have to get back to training my replacement. Have a fabulous Day!

Today's Did you know: If you keep a goldfish in a dark room it will eventually turn white

10 Days Left

Shelly Count Down! ONE MORE DAY!!! They will be home TOMORROW!! WOOOHOOOO!!!! Thank God, I'm going crazy!

Short Blog today. My sister just called and said that the Ringling Brothers circus is in town and they are walking the animals today. So I'm leaving early to grab the kids and go watch. YAY!! My boss is thrilled. And since I'm training someone to take over for me... LOL They're at the Izod center until the 9th. I wanna get tickets. Calli's been dying to go to the circus!

I got most of my project done. I really wanted to do more, but I just ran out of time. I can finish the rest of it later if it is so desired. I think it came out really well. I'll let you know what the judges think. Cross your fingers!

Today's Did you know: The average human will eat an average of 8 spiders while sleeping. Yum.. Protein! Can I have mine chocolate covered?

11 Days Left!

2 More Days until Shelly's return!!! WoO HOoo!!

The weekend went well. Donna came over yesterday with a moving truck. Her son came home from college and they had a bunch of stuff they couldn't keep, so they donated to charity. US!! YAY! We got a new bed, a dresser and this small little tv.... LOL So about this "small" tv. She says, I have 2 tv's here. Ones a 19' and the others a little hand held. I said, ok, we'll take them both. Calli's tv is broken and only plays in black and white. So I figured the 19' will replace hers. So Donna opens the back of the truck and I said "WHat is THAT?" She said that's the 19'. Donna needs her vision checked. I think her perspective is skewed because she has one of those huge monster tv's in her living room. Her idea of a 19' is actually a 42' tv! LOL I'm like that is NOT going in Calli's room. That's going in OUR room! LOL The little hand held she talked about is probably a 19'. LOL (I don't know because she forgot it, along with the wood - which was the reason for coming over with the truck in the first place - and some drawing thing for Calli that she got a good talking to about. Let me tell you, being admonished by a 4 year old is NOT pretty!)

Speaking of the princess, her tonsils are still huge. I can't believe after all those antibiotics that they haven't shrunk at all. Poor kid. But she was still a monster this morning. Oh, have I told you that I am NOT a morning person? I have NO patience in the morning and she tries every last bit of it. ARG

I talked to my cousin yesterday - HEY VAL! - and she was telling me how the Elks Lodges run a summer camp for disabled kids. They pay for the entire thing and it's all one on one with the kids teaching them social skills and stuff. I looked it up last night and the camp is like 45 min. from me, which is good. (rather have him close) I sent them an email and they are sending me the brochure and registration info. I think he would love to be able to go to camp and it's not something that we could ever afford. Cross your fingers he gets in. (And thanks for the info Val!)

Today's Did you know: Broccoli is the only vegetable that is also a flower.

11 MORE DAYS!