Advice for all you folks that don't live here in Jersey and a funny for all of you who do.

I added a couple of these. Anyone else have any?

Driving in NJ
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is Nork - rhymes with Fork, not New-ark. It's Booen not Boon - ton.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5 AM to NOON. The evening rush hour is from NOON to 7 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. Route 80 is 95. On the parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered "Sissy." (Just ask the Governor of NJ)
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second; However, in Monmouth/Morris & Sussex counties SUV-driving, cellphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
5. If you need to make a left, you must first make a right (called a jug handle - big drinkers in Jersey), drive around the back of all the buildings, wave at the dealers sitting on the egg crates, then wait at a light for an hour so you can go straight across the road you were just on. Or remember that 3 rights make a left, 3 lefts make a right and a dead end will get you shot.
6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
7. Never honk at anyone. EVER ! Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.
8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.
9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the Homeless feeding on any of these items.
10. MapQuest does NOT work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all the Turnpike EZ Pass lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.
11. If someone actually has their Turn Signal ON, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."
12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
13. Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday appointments, and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.
HAPPY SAFE DRIVING ! ! !